The following is a tongue-in-cheek story inspired by The Calendar Girls:‘And now ladies, I will announce the results of the home made preserves contest: In third place was Mrs Patterson’s beetroot chutney. The second prize goes to Mrs Hamilton-Smythe with her celery and walnut conserve. The first prize once again is taken by the Reverend Betty Finch with her delicious damson jam.’A ripple of applause rang round the Widebotham village hall.The chairman, Mrs Elsie Rippendale, a relative newcomer to the village having lived there for a mere twenty years was still viewed with a degree of suspicion by some of the members. How had she, a Leeds woman, a newcomer to the Dales risen to assume the chairmanship? A relative stranger from the big city. The cheek of it.Mrs Rippendale continued:‘Now ladies, I come to the third item on our agenda: The Annual Calendar. As you will all be aware, we did extremely well with our Nude Calendar for several years. It was quite ground-breaking in its day and. I pulled off her shirt and bra, and undid her shorts, sliding them and her panties off. It didn’t take me long to shed my clothing and join her, and soon we were going at it as only newlyweds can. She was a beauty! We were both in our mid 40’s but she looked more like a gal in her 30’s. She was slender and so curvy; I think she was one of God’s best efforts! In the moonlight she was a total work of art and it was almost more than I could stand! Hard to believe that she was all mine! We made love right there in the park, in the middle of a huge city on a warm summer night. The rest of the world didn’t seem to exist. But that suddenly changed! I noticed a car pulling into the park and that it was a police car! To make it worse, it was NOT just driving down the street; it came up over the curb and was driving across the park lawn towards us! Panic set in as we quickly scrambled for clothing. We didn’t worry about underwear, just get the shorts and shirts on and hide the underwear! I.
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